Why Can’t I Get Over Him? (11 Reasons Why)

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Isabelle O'Gallagher

Isabelle O'Gallagher is a personal development and relationship expert who has consulted for some of the biggest companies in America.

Relationships can be lovely, but they can be difficult. Everybody has different stories about their relationships, as no two people will interact the same way.

Unfortunately, no matter how good your last relationship was, it likely came to an end. Breaking up is difficult, but you may find yourself shocked at how long you are taking to get over him.

Why Can’t I Get Over Him?


1. You Never Ended It

If you’ve already broken up, the odds are that it’s over and done with. You may not be happy about it, but you know that things are over.

Whether on a conscious or subconscious level, you may still have wanted the relationship to continue. This desire is especially the case if you were not the party that initiated the breakup.

If you have not consciously made the effort to let go of the relationship, the odds are that you will never get over it!

This type of subconscious wishing does not often go away like the wind. You will have to put in the effort to get over it.

Even if the relationship is over, it may still be ongoing in your head. You have to end it mentally as much as it is over physically!

2. Your Relationship Was Great

This one is simple, but it’s true! If your relationship was great, you will have difficulty getting over it.

Whether your ex treated you well or you just went out and had a lot of fun, you can miss those good times with your ex.

Thankfully, that’s what friends are for!

3. You Idolize Your Relationship

If your relationship was notably good, you might be putting it on a pedestal. You may think of your ex as a god, providing you with the best relationship ever.

You may not be able to get over him because you can’t see anybody else providing you with those good times.

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4. You Think He’s With Somebody Else

Sitting around and thinking about what your ex is doing is one of the worst things you can do. Even worse is thinking about who he is getting up to it with.

This imaginary scenario does nothing but hurts you, making you feel jealousy toward somebody who may not even exist. You may find it harder to get over your relationship when you are jealous.

5. You Don’t Know What Went Wrong

Sometimes, relationships may end without closure. If you don’t know what went wrong in your relationship or why it ended, you will have a harder time getting over your ex!

6. You Still Talk To Him

You Still Talk To Him

It is typically a good thing to stay friends with your ex. Nobody wants to burn bridges or leave things off on poor footing.

However, regular contact can make it far harder to get over him.

This issue depends on your personality- some people can manage contact with him, and some can’t.

You may want to cut contact if you feel upset when talking to him. Alternatively, reduced contact may be preferable for you.

By talking to him, you may spark moments where you reminisce about your relationship. This reminiscing can make getting over him even harder.

Should you not feel any strong emotions when talking to him, contact is not your issue. However, it can be a major factor for many people!

7. You Don’t Give Yourself Time To Mourn

Grieving over a relationship may seem silly, but it may have been a big part of your life!

While breaking up might not be as permanent or monumental as a death in the family, it can still have lasting effects. You may need time to grieve it, especially if it was a good relationship.

There’s a reason so many people choose to sit around in their pajamas, crying and eating ice cream while watching TV after breaking up.

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This type of wallowing grief is cathartic and can help you get over your relationship far faster than if you simply bottled up your feelings.

Nobody is saying to walk around wearing black dresses and leaving flowers, but grieving a relationship can be vital to getting over it!

8. You Changed Your Life

Relationships are a big part of anybody’s life. They can shift the dynamics of your life, changing the amount of time you spend on certain parts of your day.

They can also introduce you to new things, such as new hobbies or new favorite shows. A relationship can even make you start disliking things you previously liked.

Either way, relationships can be life-changers.

If a relationship significantly changes your life, you may not know how to navigate your new life without your ex. This change can lead to you wanting him back for a sense of security.

9. The Sex Was Good

Let’s face it- while it may not be proper to talk about, sex is a vital part of most relationships. If your sex life was good, you were more likely to be invested in the relationship.

Sex helps produce oxytocin, a hormone known for boosting levels of happiness. Oxytocin is so effective at its job and closely related to sex that it gained the nickname ‘the love hormone.’

Due to the mechanisms of human psychology, your brain may associate the production of oxytocin with your ex.

These associations can become hard to overcome- experts say that the chemical process is similar to addiction.

Either way, good sex can make a relationship just that much harder to get over!

This connection is why many experts also do not recommend sleeping with your ex. This behavior only complicates things further!

10. You Have A Big Ego

This one may hurt to consider, but sometimes you are the problem. Your ex may have initiated the break-up, leaving you with a hurt ego.

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You may want your ex back to heal your ego, as you can not accept that somebody does not like you in that way.

Alternatively, it could be a matter of self-esteem. You may have seen the relationship as a sort of validation for you.

With a break-up denying your validation, your ego will be hurt. In these cases, you have to take a look at yourself more than what your ex may have done!

11. You Loved Him

This reason is simple and sappy, but it can be a huge factor. If you loved a man, you have difficulty getting over him.

If your relationship was long, lasting several years, the odds are good that you can’t get over him because you loved him.

It may help to think of the relationship as a bad investment. You sunk a lot of time and effort into that relationship, and it didn’t work out.

Fortunately, people make bad thousands of bad investments every day, and it’s rarely the end of the world.

While taking a transactional view of relationships is not healthy as a whole, it can certainly help you get over one.

To learn more, you can also read our posts on why you can’t let him go, why he won’t marry you after 5 years, and why your boyfriend is so hot.

In Conclusion

Even with all of these potential reasons, getting over anybody can be hard. However, it is not impossible, as impossible as it may seem at the moment.

Life goes on! Ultimately, you may have to force yourself to get over him. You can’t sit around in your room and mope for the rest of your life. Get back out there and live your life!

Author

  • Isabelle O'Gallagher is a personal development, wellness, and relationship expert who has consulted for some of the biggest companies in America.

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