Why Won’t He Marry Me After 5 Years? (9 Reasons Why)

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Isabelle O'Gallagher

Isabelle O'Gallagher is a personal development and relationship expert who has consulted for some of the biggest companies in America.

Marriage is the symbol that two humans have decided they want to be together forever. They’ve built trust and love for one another and made life work as a team.

Some people are more into marriage than others and this symbol doesn’t mean the same to everyone. If you’re wondering why he won’t marry you after 5 years, take a look below.

Why Won’t He Marry Me After 5 Years?

1. Marriage Changes Everything

There is a common misconception that once you get married, the entire dynamic of your relationship changes. This may or may not be true but many guys worry about it.

Maybe he won’t marry you because he is happy and comfortable with how your relationship is working now. He doesn’t want things to change from marriage.

Whether it’s a stereotype, a false statement, or something entirely true depends on the couple but your guy could be worried about it. He doesn’t want marriage to change anything.

Rather than marry you, he holds on to what is working so well right now.

2. Burned Before?

It’s quite possible that your guy won’t marry you because he has been burned before. What do you know about his past relationships and how they ended?

Even if he knows that you aren’t like the ones that burned him before, it doesn’t take away that fear inside. The last thing he wants to do is marry only to be burned again.

It might seem illogical to you in many ways. Maybe you’ve even insisted that you are not like them, but that won’t change his worry that it could happen again.

Let him work through it and keep proving you are not the ones that burned him before.

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3. Maybe He Needs Motivation

Some men grow up wanting to get married but many men are not so worried about a marriage certificate. To them, it is just a certificate and it’s an unnecessary part of the process.

It’s also quite possible that he is content and happy and just has never felt motivated or forced to propose. You guys work well together as you are so why do something different?

Some people would tell you that after five years you should be giving him an ultimatum. Studies show that an ultimatum might not be a good idea.

However, you can try to motivate him into seeing the positive aspects of getting married and work on him that way.

4. Scared To Commit

In most cases, a man won’t marry you because he is scared to make that commitment to forever lose his freedom. It’s the term marriage that brings that fear to him.

Let’s be honest, if you’ve been together for five years faithfully, he already lost his freedom. But when you bring in the wedding, the vows, and the ring, it seems to be a different playing field.

There is just something about that walk down the aisle that seems to incite fear in some men. Perhaps it is the fact that other guys give them so much crap about it but who knows.

5. He Wants Better For You

He Wants Better For You

Perhaps he won’t marry you yet because he hasn’t quite created the life for you that he wants to. It’s not that he thinks he is wrong for you but that you deserve better than he can give.

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He likely has goals to be able to buy an expensive ring and create an enormous romantic proposal. In his head, he wants everything to be perfect and right.

Perhaps he is still trying to reach that point and just has goals to meet before he marries you. He wants to know that he can provide and care for you in all the right ways.

It’s just that he wants to give you the very best and he isn’t there yet.

6. Marriage Is Just Paper

Some men and women believe that marriage is just a piece of paper that doesn’t mean anything. If we’re being honest about the sanctity of marriage, this is true for many.

Perhaps he won’t marry you because he simply doesn’t believe that marriage is necessary for love. That piece of paper is symbolic but to him, it seems unnecessary and forced.

In most cases, a man with this opinion cannot be convinced to marry you. He has likely made his stance on marriage clear to you from the beginning as well.

7. Rings Are Expensive

Buying an engagement ring is part of proposing marriage. There are so many labeled standards for how much they should spend and how to choose a ring.

The concept of spending that much money buying you the ring you deserve might be getting to his head. Perhaps he feels he simply cannot afford the ring that you should get.

This might be a fear of rejection from you if he doesn’t get the ring just right. It also might be that he simply doesn’t know how to afford a ring and meet the standards.

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8. He Is Comfortable

When a man gets comfortable in the life you are already living, he sees no reason to make a change. To this point, you’ve allowed the relationship to continue without marriage.

Now don’t run out thinking if you tell him, it’s marriage or you, he will choose you. It’s been five years and you guys have been happy. It’s a comfortable position to be in.

He sees no reason to make changes.

9. He Doesn’t Want That

Finally, it’s quite possible that he simply doesn’t want the same things as you. He might not be all that committed to this relationship, despite five years together.

It’s just that nothing better has come along for him yet or this has worked well up to this time. It’s not personal necessarily but just that you two want different things in life.

To learn more, you can also read our posts on why he won’t marry you after 10 years, why a married man would join a dating site, and why men are so complicated.


If he won’t marry you after five years, it doesn’t mean he will never marry you. It might just mean he isn’t ready yet.

Try having a real conversation with him to find out what the underlying reason is. You can make your decisions from there.


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